I would like to express a deep gratitude towards my life as I developed a different attitude by using some tools for anxiety. I discovered them at different stages of my recovery and they were useful on the road to getting well in the last 20 years of my life. The first one was a face-to-face communication with psychotherapists. I developed a lot of hope in these contacts through my thirties and my forties. These people were a sounding board for my anxious mind. They showed me the way to write in a constructive way. Filling charts to keep track of how to decrease my anxiety level, how to question my fears, changing scenarios about “not being able of” to “being responsible of”, and “taking control” of my life. When I was loosing control I was reaching for these tools over and over again.
A different attitude gave me a chance to challenge myself even more. I started coping better with new situations and I could see my pattern of anxiety coming back before I was overwhelmed with my fears. Before coming close to a dead end, I would question if my fears were real or were created in my mind. The hyperventilation and chest pains were real symptoms of my anxiety but my perceptions of these fears were a sign of over sensitivity compared to what happened in the reality.
Now I am traveling on a road that is much smoother. I learned through all these years that the one and only competition is with me. Tracking distorted thoughts, having realistic expectations and fine tuning my coping mechanisms with fitness activities and discussions groups. In one word it is by giving more help to me. This main aspect is never achieved but is always a process in my recovery. I always check that I re-involve my energy in daily life instead of withdrawing in my fears.
In a nutshell I suggest to anyone that is fighting with a mental illness to give themselves the chance to be in charge. This is the major task I have to accomplish each day and even if some days, it feels like taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back, the dignity is achieved because I tried this one step forward. I appreciate this (sometimes) only one situation in a day that will give me this extra self confidence and the rest of the day can be relatively acceptable even with setbacks. What is happening to you now can be the masterpiece of your life. Your road and my road are full of recoveries.

Sylvie Albert

When Daniel and I first decided we were going to work together to build MikesStory.com, I made a promise to him that I would do everything I needed to do in order to reach my goal and fulfill my dream. When I said everything, I meant EVERYTHING. For those who know me well, they know that I do not make many promises, but when I do, I keep them.

We have completed The 80/20 Project DVD and now more than ever, I am determined to do what it takes to talk about The 80/20 Project (my coping skills) across Canada, the United States and all over the world. My dream is to talk to large audiences about my coping skills. That dream is one step closer with the completion of The 80/20 Project DVD. Already we have sold many copies of the DVD and the positive feedback and encouragement coming from everywhere gives me the fuel I need to one day make my dream a reality.

Mike Santoro

My wife and I just celebrated our one-month wedding anniversary this past Saturday, and doing so gave us the chance to reflect on our wedding and honeymoon in February. Our year of planning for these big events was such fun, and the day itself was a magical time for us. We spent two weeks in Costa Rica for our honeymoon and had the time of our lives. Now, we are enjoying an enhanced depth of our love, our commitment and our sense of a future together – all rewards of our decision to marry.
And yet as I reflect on this story, I am also filled with gratitude for something entirely different. I am grateful that my bipolar disorder has been under control, through lithium and my lifestyle management efforts, since June 2005. This stability came only after 2 wild and destructive years of rapid cycling between depression and mania. I also feel fortunate that the careful management of my illness has allowed my bipolar to remain in the distant background. This has allowed me to enjoy my engagement, wedding and honeymoon to the fullest. I am painfully aware that had I experienced a sudden bout of depression or mania, my wedding day and honeymoon may have been ruined.
While I know I am fortunate, I am also encouraged by the simple fact that my bipolar has been tamed as a result of my choices. These choices include taking my lithium as prescribed, every day; tracking my sleep quality and hours per night; tracking my energy levels and minor illnesses to catch any potential trends; eating well and drinking in moderation; and speaking openly about my illness, as I am doing now.
My bipolar has been tamed so much that I don’t recall thinking about it on my wedding day. Not once. For someone who lost nearly 2 years, and much more, to the symptoms of bipolar disorder, that is a remarkable wedding gift.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

I often wonder what a life without Panic Disorder would be like. How different would I be? I remember years ago when I didn’t have anxiety and I remember myself as fun and outgoing. Today I am cautious and rather boring in my opinion.
I used to think that it was horrible, that I had become old before my time. Now I realize that it was just part of growing up and I was lucky in a way. I am not saying that Panic Disorder is fun or something everybody should go out and get. What I am saying is that when you are hit with a mental illness like that it makes you stop, take stock, and determine what’s important.
It makes you grow up and take care of your mental and physical health, something that most people ignore. As a result I changed my diet, take meds to keep the panic attacks in check, and work hard at maintaining a life that is as stress free as possible.
I try and find activities that are healthy and more importantly surround myself with people that are positive and supportive. As any person with a mental illness knows friends are very important, without them you truly would be lost. Whether it’s just an ear or a shoulder they lend, that outlet is something that is precious. Last but not least, I had to learn to not sweat the small stuff as they say.

Suzanne Robb

I think that we should give attention to any movement, effort or initiative that functions to improve the experience of those who fall ill with mental illness and of those in their support structure. Whether it is achieved through building a sense of community, generating awareness, tackling stigma or coaching consumers through the medical system, it is a great thing.
This 'recovery movement' seems to be doing a good job of helping consumers process and overcome their diagnoses, as well as providing a launching pad for their recovery. Talking about it more will only help to create more awareness for both the movement itself and why it started in the first place.
My efforts to volunteer as a speaker for AMI-Quebec and to contribute to Mikesstory.com are entirely for this purpose. I believe that the strongest voices available to advocate for mental illness are (and must continue to be) consumers who are living well in recovery. Those who have been down the dark path of depression, who have experienced the extremes of mania, the confusion and frustration of schizophrenia and the shock of stigma, have a deeper understanding of what living with mental illness truly means.
I would argue that we also have a clearer sense of what changes, in the health-care system and indeed in society, must take place before we will feel the same level of care and respect as our friends and family members who fall ill to a more ‘acceptable’ illness, like cancer.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

Once I had taken the journey outlined in the first part of this article, I can honestly say that it was no longer hard for me to talk about my bipolar disorder to either friends or co-workers. This was a new and liberating place for me to be, especially considering that for the first several years of dealing with mental illness I barely spoke about it beyond those closest to me. Part of that was confusion and lack of knowledge; I didn't want to talk about something that I was still totally unfamiliar with.
Once I educated myself on bipolar specifically, and mental illness in general, I started to form the opinions that led to me speaking openly not only within my circle of friends and co-workers, but also publicly through AMI-Quebec and now on Mikesstory.com. I now find myself discussing it in much the same way I would the fact that I am engaged, that I am a skydiver or that I love 9-ball and play competitively - that is, I tell those who show interest in me and my life to that level, and/or those for whom the fact that I have bipolar is relevant. Otherwise, I don't.
I feel that this kind of openness is a major key, perhaps even the single most important element in progressing social attitudes toward mental illness to where they need to be, where they should be.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

I would like to offer my experience in dealing with this difficult challenge.
At first, I really was uncomfortable in discussing or even revealing my illness. I was still trying to accept it for what it was, and come to terms with the reality that I couldn't beat it on my own. For me, as for many others with a mental illness, medication was necessary.
I learned some key lessons between the time my first symptoms appeared in 2002-03 and my return to balance and health in mid 2005. For me, it came down to two simple questions:

1) How do you think and feel about your illness specifically and mental illness in general?

2) How does the person you want to discuss it with feel and think about these topics?

The former is the really important one, because if you feel guilt, confusion, anger, stigma, etc. about your illness and you are misinformed, how can you possibly speak about it? That's where I was for a while, so naturally I couldn't / wouldn't talk openly about it.
The hardest part for me to learn was that even after I went through the long and difficult path to that healthy place of acceptance, knowledge, awareness and perspective, it still wasn't enough for everyone. Even though I saw my illness as in fact physical (a problem located in my brain), and I understood that the term 'mental illness' does not equate with 'emotional illness', it was clear that others may take ages to come to this realization, while some never will.
Those people may be your colleagues, your friends, or one of your family members. It is difficult, but it is beyond your control. In my case there is one or two in each of those groups.
I was encouraged to find that once I reached a solid foundation in my own thinking, most of the people that I spoke to about it came to a place of understanding. Most people know instinctively that social attitudes towards mental illness are archaic and narrow, and if not they are open to understanding this. They want to feel included in your experience, and understanding what you are dealing with is part of that.
So for the most part, it came down to me. Once I reached a healthy level of acceptance and spoke comfortably, knowledgeably and plainly about my illness, I saw that most of my listeners were eager and positive. The others, well, I just learned to accept their limitations and I live with the hope that as long as I remain consistent in my message, they may come around.
That has been my experience, and I hope it can help you in yours.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

For me, finding hope and a place to belong is the hardest thing right now. I think what most people don’t know is that there is a lot of fear while you are going through this illness. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t have a place right now. I know that my family loves me very much but I don’t know where I fit in. So what helps me right now is having gotten involved with AMI-Quebec. I have a purpose in the morning. When I’m there, it feels natural and I’m like everyone else. I have a place to belong and a purpose to live.

Connie Di Nardo

The slow creakiness of waiting
In love with anxious heart breaking…
How? With what within or outside?
Does the warm hand, tiny or large,
Related or unknown provide warmth?
Is the sustenance only physical?
When illness strikes the waiters?
How to reach the feeling beyond
Skin, muscle, tendons or body?
Are emotions better left?
Numb, non-existent, unuseful?
What are tears? Useful to moisten
What? My tears did flow singing
At my sister’s funeral mass.
Otherwise only drops I pay for
Give my eyeballs tears and drip ness.
Is that a healthy state for me?

Written January 9, 2005
Elizabeth Tremain

Sometimes I feel like people look at me and think that my life is all fine and dandy and that I am "cured" from my illness. To many, it may seem that way because when you look at me, you cannot see the struggles I go through. The reality is that I work very hard to control my anxiety, monitor my moods, stay focused, stay very well organized as to not get overwhelmed, work with my support network around me to stay on track, continuously look for tips on how to better manage my illness, etc. etc. It's not always easy and there are times when I too feel like giving up. But I make sure that "giving up" is not an option. When those periods come, I try to remind myself that this period is only a storm and that it will pass just like other storms have passed many times before. As my community worker has said to me many times, when I will look at this "storm" in 6 or 12 months from now, it will probably all be water under the bridge.

Mike

I think I was really born the day I turned fifty. That was last year and my husband surprised me with an intimate and delightful party with some of my closest friends and family. I had never felt younger or stronger. When others bemoan the fact that life is passing them by, I can’t be sympathetic. Life for me is finally gentle and good. I don’t mean easy, but good. Don’t ask me if I’m happy. Ask me if I have finally reached a sense of joy. Happiness is fleeting; joy includes acceptance, courage and determination in the face of life’s adversities. It is joy I want to know and I dare say that after so many years of struggle, I may have finally caught a glimpse of it.
I was always the first to think there was something “wrong” with me. But I was terrified to find out if that was the case. Until I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at the age of 31, so much water had flowed under the bridge. It is a similar story to many affected by mental illness. It was a journey which included thousands of hours of therapy, fear, confusion, struggle and finding the “right” doctor, the “right” recipe to help you over the hurdle. I find consolation and courage in celebrating life, one day at a time. In sharing our stories, we plant one more set of footprints towards changing the course of understanding of mental illness.

Sylvia Smith

On Nov. 12, 2007 I was asked to be a Guest Speaker for AMI-Quebec at the Institute of Community and Family Psychiatry of the Jewish General Hospital in Montreal along with Mike, John Stall, Elva Crawford, and Francine Waters.
The room was filled with people who were eager to learn more of Mike's Story. I spoke of the early years of Mike's illness up until Mike accepted the illness and treatment. It is hard to describe the affects on the family in a 5 minute presentation. I tried to illustrate that the illness can have devastating affects on every member of the family. In spite of this reality it is essential that the family remain supportive and always remain positive. NEVER GIVE UP. The family must believe that recovery will come with perseverance, continuously learning about the illness, prevention and lots of patience.
This was my first experience as a speaker and I truly enjoyed it. I saw a few faces light up as they really identified with what was being said. I truly hope we inspired some audience members to NEVER GIVE UP.
Personally, I got to hear how Elva Crawford, John Stall and Francine Waters, saw and interacted with Mike over the years. Once again I was proud to be Mike's sister and I am always amazed at how inspirational Mike is to everyone.
I would like to thank AMI-Quebec for inviting me to speak. I would do it again in a flash. Along with pain and torment in that room, I also felt lots of love, support and most important HOPE; THE HOPE OF RECOVERY.
Thank you to AMI-Quebec for your great work and service to the community.

Carmy Santoro

I have lots of "To Do Lists". A To Do List for the repairs needed on the house, To Do List for January, February, March, April, May, etc, etc, To Do List of people to see to have coffee with, To Do List to get house ready for winter, To Do List to get house ready for summer, To Do List for things I need to get done at work, To Do List for things I need to speak to my wife about, To Do List for things I would like to do with my daughter, and the To Do Lists go on and on. This is great because it frees up my mind since everything is written down and I do not have to continually think about all the things I need to get done. The problem is that these To Do Lists can grow to be out of control (in size) and become unrealistic. I sometimes find myself spending lots of time "managing" these "To Do Lists" and getting stressed out because they go on and on and there seems to be no end in sight and not enough time to do everything.
What I find helpful for myself is that every so often, I go through my "To Do Lists" and delete things that are not so important (as they may have seemed to be when I first wrote them down). This allows me to do a clean-up of my lists, prioritize and shorten them making them more manageable and reducing the stress I feel for having so much to do.

Mike