Hello, my name Carmy Santoro and I am Mike’s sister.

I am very proud of Mike’s accomplishments and even more proud that Mike decided to take his personal experience with mental health and use it to help others who are diagnosed with a mental illness. We are all unique and what works for one is not necessarily a recipe that works for everyone but there are elements that are always true such as NEVER LOSE HOPE, REMAIN POSITIVE and GIVING UP IS NEVER AN OPTION.

When Mike was diagnosed, our family did not know where to start in order to help Mike. It was over 25 years ago and things have changed and evolved since. There are resources now but unfortunately they are not well known.

There are great efforts being made by our political leaders to educate and break down prejudices about mental illness. You may have seen ads on TV or radio or billboards that invite us to break the silence of mental illness. Prejudice is the cancer of mental illness because at times it prevents people from seeking help for fear of being labeled as a mental patient. We all have a role to play in eliminating prejudice and accepting people with mental illness as being complete beings who have rights and dreams and also the right to dream of a better future for themselves.

MikesStory.com is a site that invites you to follow the story of Mike, who in spite of his mental illness is a person who contributes significantly to our society.

Welcome to you all and hope to meet you one day.

Till next time, keep well
Carmy Santoro

I am Mike’s daughter. My name is Chelsie. I would like to say this message to Daddy. I would like to congratulate my Daddy for doing The 80/20 Project and this website. I want to say a big congratulation! I want many people to be interested in this project and his website. Congratulations to Daniel Gervais who made The 80/20 Project with my father. He, too, I want to say a big congratulations. Congratulations to you both. Good luck at making people interested in hearing what you have to say to the world and to those who come to your presentations.

Thank you to my Dad for making The 80/20 Project and for helping people.

Daddy, I love you.
Chelsie Santoro XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX
7 years old

It is not me with the mental illness…it is my brother, my poor brother. I thank god everyday for my mental health and everything I have been blessed with in my life. I feel a lot of what I have in my life is a big fat bonus, things I never expected. Watching my brother suffer day in and day out, struggling with his existence makes my problems seem so small. He is my problem, he, actually his illness has broken my heart, and continues to do so everyday.

His life never goes anywhere; it goes around in circles, from worse to worse. He lives in poverty, in a mess, dirty apartment that he can’t keep clean, wearing clothes that he can’t manage to wash. He is ANGRY. He is always angry. He yells at me and I always have to remember not to let him, hang up, I keep telling myself. It takes a lot of strength, and discipline. I struggle with not getting angry at him, not yelling back. Sometimes I don’t have it in me, and wish he wasn’t my brother.

I try really hard to make sense of what he says, and I wish I could believe him. Then I wonder why I bother even listening to him on the phone, or going by his apartment to drop stuff off or attempt a supper. The stuff he talks to me about is mostly lies, the money I give him is wasted on drugs and alcohol, and the suppers are a waste of time ending up in a disaster with the food either not touched or all over the place.

It is sooooo confusing. I love my brother, miss him terribly, feel helpless around him, and only wish I could make his suffering go away forever. Unfortunately……I can’t. I need help sometimes……AMI-Quebec has been a great support, actually the only place I have ever gone for support. Whenever I need to talk, someone is there to listen. I always feel understood, validated, and supported. They cannot take away the pain I have for losing a brother to this dreadful disease, no one can, but they can sometimes make it a little easier.

Anonymous

My earliest memory of my Uncle Mike’s illness is not a very clear one, seeing as how I was quite young. I was about 3 or 4 years old, and my parents and I were visiting my grandmother one evening. The most distinctive part of this memory involves me hiding under the kitchen table in fear, as there was a lot of yelling and loud noises surrounding me. It appeared to me that my uncle and grandmother had had some sort of disagreement. After punching a hole in the hallway wall and/or smashing the television set (these occurred either on two separate occasions or on the same night – I wasn’t old enough to recall exact details), my uncle stormed out of the house. I remember peeking out the living room window later on, watching my uncle sitting on a neighbor’s front steps as he went over the evening’s events with his neighborhood friends.

Throughout my childhood, I went on various outings with my uncle. He would take me to the movies, or out to eat, or sightseeing downtown, and other fun things. I use to look forward to our excursions – we got to spend a lot of quality time together. But every once in a while he would cancel on me, sometimes at the last minute, and I’d always find out through my parents.

It wasn’t until adolescence that I finally learned what was going on – my parents told me that Uncle Mike was manic depressive, more commonly known today as bi-polar disorder. I didn’t really know anything about mental illness, so I tried to find out about it on my own (not such an easy task without the convenience of the internet!). I discovered that genetics were commonly involved, which caused me to wonder if one day I would also develop a mental illness.

Looking back over the past 15+ years and knowing what I know now, everything makes sense – the mood swings, the frequent absences and cancellations, the many times people would tell me “Mike’s not feeling well” or that he was in the hospital... Sometimes I feel bad thinking about how what I thought was a lack of responsibility was really a mental illness, but that’s what happens when one is not properly informed. I can’t say that I blame anyone for not telling me sooner – I guess my family was just trying to protect me.

These days I still think fondly of my uncle, who has developed into a wonderful family man with a “regular” life just like any other person. I’m glad that he’s got his illness under control, and that he hasn’t let it control him. I’m also grateful for our family and all his other support systems, which I’m sure, played a big part in helping him get and stay well.

So here’s to you, Uncle Mike – the “real Uncle Mike” =) May you always be happy and healthy, and continue reaching for your dreams.

Love your niece,
Sandra Giannuzzi

It was a day I'll never forget January 31, 2005, when my son, Vince, who was 25, had a psychotic break with reality and became ill. My experience with mental illness was not great but I did have a long time friend with an illness and I was thankful I knew a little bit about it. I thank God Vince was willing to come to the Douglas Hospital, at which point after a long agonizing wait in ER, he was asked if he would like to stay. I'll always remember his words "Mom, I'm going to stay and chill out". I was so grateful he was agreeable and so the journey of healing began.

It was a time to explore this sometimes very unkind sickness. I tried to find out as much as I could about mental illness by going to workshops and talking to doctors and nurses.

I have had cancer twice but this illness was far more devastating than I could have imagined. It is so much more difficult to watch your son suffer silently through this.

I am married to Lou and have two other sons, one who is older than Vince and one who is younger. As a family, we all had such a hard time coping with this unknown illness.

In my search, I found quite a few resources - one being AMI-Quebec where we met wonderful dedicated people - one being Mike Santoro who was an inspiration of hope to us.

Today as I sit and write this on a beautiful sunny day in 2009 – yesterday we went and heard and saw Mike's Presentation of The 80/20 Project. This presentation was held at the Douglas Hospital before a whole auditorium in which he talked about living and recovering with a mental illness.

After this presentation, entertainment was provided and one of the artists was my very own son, Vince, who played two of his own compositions on the banjo. As I watched and cheered, I had tears of joy, that yes, it is a long road but it is filled with love and hope.

LET US NEVER GIVE UP!!!

Ann Antenucci
Written June 11, 2009

December has always been a challenging month for me. Lots of extra things to do, parties, late nights, irregular sleep schedule, get togethers with family and the overall anxiety which revolves around the holidays. It is a time for me to be extra careful with the energy that I do have and choose wisely what I will do with it.

For me, it is also a time of reflexion on what has happened in the past year and to say "Thank you" to all the people, organizations, institutions, family members, friends, acquaintances, etc. who have helped me throughout the year. I know that without their support, I would not make it through. The time and effort they devote to being there for me means a great deal and I am very grateful.

Bonnie, Chelsie and I would like to wish everyone Happy Holidays and a New Year filled with health, love, enjoyment and peace.

Mike Santoro

In my work environment I often deal with people who are having mental difficulties. What I have noticed is that in general, my co-workers are less and less resistant to consulting a professional in the mental health field. We are fortunate to have an employee help program, free of charge. If we are to give everyone a fair chance at life we all must realize that most of the stereotypes are kept alive by the co-workers. The boss is often sitting in an office somewhere. Furthermore your boss hired you; he or she was willing to give you a chance. Now if all the co-workers could do the same we would have taken a great step forward. People with a mental illness have a lot to teach us all. We must all stop and listen. I have learned a lot about mental illness through my brother Mike. In turn I am applying what I have learned to try to help others in my workplace. I am involved with my union at work at the executive level and I now help others by assisting them in their battles to be respected and accepted on all levels. I have often heard one co-worker judge that another co-worker is not really sick and is just faking in order to get some time off. I always respond that they should quit their job and should work as a doctor if they are qualified to make medical diagnoses. No doctor will knowingly diagnose a mental illness just so that the patient can get some time off work. This is considered fraud on the part of the doctor. He or she can loose their license to practice medicine. I don't know of a doctor who would take that chance when he or she has nothing to gain. Think about it!

It is up to every one to intervene and insist on respect and acceptance of all people in the work place. As of 2006 in Quebec, the law dictates that employers must provide an environment of work which is free of all forms of harassment or discrimination. The law is placing the responsibility on the employers to ensure that everyone is valued and respected by all. Sometimes we need to set one example and everyone else just kind of "gets it" after that. Unfortunately in some cases recourse is the only option left to correct the situation.

Carmy Santoro

I guess society is not yet comfortable with mental illness in the work place although some advances have been made. There is a lot of education to be done. I truly believe that until someone is exposed to some kind of mental illness whether it is themselves or a close one, they will never be at ease. In the past many causes have had to fight their way in the work force. I am thinking of cancer, aids, hepatitis A, B, C, and I am sure there are many others. The stereotypes that are attached to these illnesses only start to disappear when individuals start to be educated about the facts surrounding the illness and the fact that it is not contagious. Conclusion = FIRST PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW THAT THEY THEMSELVES ARE NOT AT RISK OF ANY KIND.

Next we have to talk about the media. Media is only interested in the ratings or the sale of their papers; in other words, the bottom line which is MONEY. In order to do this they need sensationalism. Notice how the reporter always says if the accused has a history of mental illness but fails to report his level of cholesterol or even blood pressure. Very few crimes are committed by people with a mental illness. Most often they will most likely hurt themselves rather than others. Notice how reporters also fail to say when the last episode of the illness was or if the illness had anything at all to do with the crime. Example: fraud is the crime and bi-polar is the illness, one has probably nothing to do with the other yet it is reported. Results on society are that people in general associate all that is bad with mental illness. The media is a powerful tool that when not used responsibly can cause a lot of damage. Hollywood would never have produced a movie such as "A BEAUTIFUL MIND" just 20 years earlier. When I see this I am encouraged and hopeful that one day soon everyone will be at ease with mental illness and it will be integrated in our society and the work place also. Let’s not forget that it is not so long ago that we would lock up all the "Crazy" people and throw away the key.
(Part 2 to be continued next week...)

Carmy Santoro

This approach to life has brought me to places I only dreamed of. I have great memories of life experiences and met some awesome people over the years.

All this is true but "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get” (from the movie Forest Gump). There have also been times in my life when things have not been so great. In those times I choose to get help. Talking to a therapist is always a great help for me. Good friends and family are part of my personal support network. We all have limited knowledge of something or other. No one knows it all.

Keep in mind that I am not a professional in the mental health field. Life is too short to go through the motions. Only you and a professional can determine if and what kind of help would be beneficial for you.

Everyone has the right to be and feel happy at least some of the time. This is what I wish for everyone. I hope you reach out in order to find the recipe to create your own happiness.

Good Luck and Never Give Up.
Carmy Santoro

Every one of us is responsible for ourselves. We go through life going through the motions or we choose to take life by the horns. We are all faced with decisions that dictate the paths we choose to travel.

My dad passed away when I was 17 years old (my brother Mike was 13). He had worked very hard to provide for his family. Unfortunately he was struck down by cancer at the young age of 53. The passing of my dad made me realize that we are mortal and our time on this earth is limited. Life is short. There are so many ambitions and possibilities but so little time. It was like a big light went on in my head.

One of the most important decisions in my life was to choose to live life to the fullest everyday. I love to travel, I have parachuted, I've been white water rafting (even though I could not swim at the time) and much more. I am always ready to have a good time. I try to take advantage of any opportunity to do something different. Anyone who knows me will tell you that I am not a party pooper.
(Part 2 to be continued next week...)

Carmy Santoro

To my dear son Mike,

As your mother and after all that we have been through, I could hardly believe the success you have created and all you have achieved in your life that it seems like a dream to me. You have a beautiful 5 year old daughter who is so full of spunk that when she speaks she sometimes sounds like an adult. When I look at her you can’t imagine how happy I am.

I could hardly believe that after all you have been through that you would one day arrive at this point. You have a wonderful wife who loves you. Your daughter Chelsie is like a beautiful flower and may God bless her always. You own your own home and you are living a “normal” life like other friends of yours.

With all that the whole family has been through I would have never imagined that you could arrive at this point. We all hope that with the grace of God you will continue to do well, as you are now, with us family members and with your own family.

May God bless you in every step that you take. This is what I wish for you as your mother.

Unconditional Love Always
Your Mother,
Margherita

(This letter was translated from Italian to English by Carmy Santoro)

I love playing with my Daddy. I like when we play Junior Monopoly together because I love my Daddy. I also like playing “Hello Hello”. This is a game my Daddy made up to play after I was born. There are 2 people or kids that can play. You shine 2 flashlights at the ceiling and one light has to follow the other light or they can play “Hiding Go Seek Hello Hello”.

I also like playing Sardines with Daddy. This is a fish memory game because there are sardine cards to play. I think my Daddy is special because I love my Daddy. I also like pranking my Daddy. I love when we watch Prank Patrol together.

Chelsie Santoro
5 years old

I cannot believe that this April marks 10 years my wife Bonnie and I are married. They say time flies when you are having fun. I must have had lots of fun because I did not see the last 10 years go by. It almost seems like yesterday I was waiting near the front of the church while Bonnie nervously walked down the isle with her father to meet me so we could get married. I remember that moment so vividly. I had a huge smile on my face and could not wait to hold her hand. She looked amazing (and in my opinion, looks even better today as our love for each other has grown).
I have always said that marriage is a full time job. The more hours you put into it, the more you get paid. Bonnie and I have put huge amounts of hours working at our relationship and the pay is enormous. We have lots of respect, love, trust and care for each other. That is not to say that we never have or had rocky or difficult times. As we have gotten to know each other better over the last 10 years, we have grown so much closer together and as I like to say, the product of our love is our beautiful daughter and the loving home we provide for her.

Happy Anniversary Bonnie, I love you sooooo much.

Your husband,
Mike Santoro

I must have been in my early twenties one day when I bumped into Mike again. He was in front of me waiting to use the ATM machine at a financial institution. I recognized him right away but to be honest, I wasn’t sure if I should speak to him or not, since all the horrible things that were said about him suddenly resurfaced in my mind. At that point I had no choice since Mike recognized me. We pulled aside from the ATM line up where we were standing and started to talk. Keep in mind that I still was unaware that he had a mental illness. We exchanged telephone numbers and a week later he was over at my mom’s house accompanied by this girl he was seeing. A relationship that ended for Mike shortly after his girlfriend’s family was informed that Mike had a mental illness. As for the two of us, we remained in contact. He is today the cousin that I interact with the most. I only found out about his mental illness a few years back. We were both in the car together when he said: “Joe, you know I have a mental illness right”? To me, it was strange since he seemed just like everybody else. The next morning, I called my mother and informed her about Mike’s illness. We both felt terrible because of all the lies that were said in the past about Mike. The good thing was that we were finally enlightened and were able to defend Mike when people said that he was crazy. Today Mike is a true model for me. I always go to him for advice on anything I need. He is a terrific father and a lovable husband (so his wife says…LOL). We get together more often then ever and I hope that it will last forever. He has proven that mental illness can be won over. His passion is to tell the world about it. I am sure that Mike’s Story will affect many lives and change the face of mental illness for good. Mike, I wish you all the best. Writing this article brought back a few memories and a few tears as well; I am here for you whenever you need me just like you are always there for me. You are a true friend that I love so very much.

Joe Iafanti
February 23, 2008

As cousins, Mike and I were often together when we were kids. I remember going over to his house and he would show me how to play with his video games. On other days, he and his mother would come over to our place. We would all have supper together. Most of the time we would pick up a bucket of Kentucky fried chicken and enjoy it with each others company. Mike being older than me, I always looked up to him then as I still do today. I remember the time that our cousins came to Canada from Italy. Mike took all of us out cruising into town in a luxurious car he had rented just for the occasion. He took us for ice cream as well. For a kid like me, it was simply the thrill of a lifetime. I still did not know at that point that Mike suffered from a mental illness. Along the way, we lost track of each other. I kept asking my mother, “Dove sta Mike” meaning “Where is Mike”? She had told me that Mike was very sick and had been in and out of the hospital. My mother having immigrated to Canada very young did not know much. People she knew had told her that Mike was a drug addict and that he had become a total junkie. Obviously the rumors spread and everyone spoke terribly about Mike. I was just a young boy and innocently believed all that was being said. I had also heard that he was so “into” the drugs that he had been placed in a recovery centre tied up in a bed in order not to be able to get his hands on more drugs. At one point, we were also told that my cousin had been possessed by the devil himself. Looking back today, I say to myself, “What were these people thinking”. The years went by and I had never heard about Mike anymore. (Part 2 to be continued next week...)

Joe Iafanti
February 23, 2008