For me, this is an easy answer - of course I would. If I didn't say that, I would be quite the hypocrite! On my second date with my now wife, I decided not to wait to tell her about my bipolar disorder. In my mind, it was either going to be a limitation for her or not, and I thought it best for both of us to know that right away. Lucky for me, she simply asked many smart questions, did her own research, and decided that it wasn't going to stop her in pursuing a relationship with me.

Had the tables been turned, whether I had an illness or not, I would have reacted the same way as her. I would have asked lots of questions and researched the topic, in order to gain a real understanding of the illness, the side effects of the medications, how well it was all being managed, etc. My choices from that point on, as with her choice, would be governed far more by how it was all being handled than by fear of the illness itself.

I should say this, however: if she had ultimately decided that it was too scary for her that I may have a full relapse, or worse, I would have understood and felt no ill will towards her. In fact, I would have appreciated her honesty with both herself and me if that was how she felt. Living with someone who suffers from ANY chronic illness - be it back pain, bipolar disorder, diabetes or migraines - is not easy. Not everyone can handle such a reality when it lands in their lap, and not everyone can or should choose it knowingly.

Again, it all comes down to open communication and decisions based on understanding and awareness.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

I do not want to seem self-righteous, but the truth is that I don't believe I have ever used my illness as an excuse. The opposite was true for a long time: I tried way too hard for too long to work through what was later understood to be full-bore clinical depression, hypo-mania and mania. I wish I could have stopped myself then and accepted my illness so that I could get the help needed. I am this way for the simple reason that I grew up under a father who believed in the power of what we can do vs. what we can't; he didn't allow excuses of any kind - only reasons. Also, I grew up with a major heart defect that ultimately required open heart surgery when I was 13. These were formative experiences that focused my attention on what I was lucky to have, and to be able to do, rather than what I couldn't do and why.

Again, I am certainly not trying to suggest that this is a better way or the only way to be. We all have our reasons for why we approach life, or a certain challenge, in the way we do. What I would like to suggest, though, is that it can be dangerous to use your illness as an excuse or fall into the trap of self-fulfilling prophecies with respect to stigmas, misunderstandings and taboos. Doing so may stall you in your recovery efforts and, worse yet; you may lose the confidence of your family, friends and co-workers. Once you lose that confidence, it can be very hard to get it back, even if you really need and deserve it. However, if you try to avoid using your illness as an excuse, then the people in your life will believe you when you say "I can't" or "I can't right now".

Sometimes, stopping and resting can be the most important thing you can do to maintain your control over your illness. You need the support of others in that simple act as much as in anything else. In the end, it all comes down to knowing your illness inside and out, and being honest with yourself.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

Hello everyone,

It is very easy for me to talk about mental illness. Often I will provoke a discussion in order to address the issues. We must talk about it as much as we can in order to demystify the taboos.

I am Mike's sister and have been his number one fan and supporter since day one of his diagnosis. I am extremely vocal about defending the rights of people with mental illness and breaking down the stereotypes that surround them.

PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS ARE MUCH MORE THAN THEIR ILLNESS. The road to recovery is better traveled in great numbers.

To all, have a great day!!!
Carmy Santoro

People are always amazed when I tell them I have a mental illness. They will often say "I would have never known if you wouldn't have told me". I just love when this happens. I love to feel the state of amazement from that person at that time. This for me is one of the greatest ways to help eliminate stigma, misconceptions and discrimination against people with mental illnesses. By being in front of such a person and demonstrating to them live, in person, in front of them, that I am a human being just like everyone else and like themselves, I am often able to give them a true example of the opposite of what they were taught, what they heard or the stereotypes of what a person with a mental illness is "supposed" to look and be like.

Mike Santoro

THE FUTURE WHEN BEING IN THE FLOW OF LIFE

The lesson I have learned so far is that I am always in recovery. It is there in the back of my mind and also a part of daily life now and in the future. It does not mean for me to expect less from my life but to be more in charge when I have setbacks. Before when I had a relapse I would have asked for more help when I felt more anxious, but now I make an appointment with myself at my kitchen table in order to face the relapse and find a solution.

I now accept that the future can bring good experiences compared to before when the future was seen as a time full of problematic events accompanied by low self-esteem and low energy levels. It is not that I take for granted my well being but I do look forward to developing my involvement and trying to get closer and closer to the real meaning of my life. I am looking for more than to just “make do” and be on the margins of society. I want to be involved in this project of life just as any other person.

In a nutshell if I want to describe what happened when I started regaining meaning in my life, my first focus was to bring back balance back into my life. I developed my self confidence with insights and improved my interactions with others. The process means to be in this flow of life with my full energy. Being responsible for my life situation is the best goal I can ever have in life.

Sylvie Albert

SINCE MY EARLY FORTIES

My recovery is not just for myself and for my life-I also want to help create a better environment in which others can explore the meaning of mental illness in their own lives. Since I have more energy living a meaningful life I wish all patients would also have an opportunity to fulfill their goal. Society has a more important role to play on acknowledging patients’ roles in all spheres of activities as full time citizens and should encourage them.

When I realized that the person in charge (the seeking mind in me) was able to take more decisions than I thought, I noticed that well being became concrete and not just another unattainable goal. Nevertheless there is no magic because I do have to make deals with myself; to be in charge of my failures and not making others responsible for them. It helps me to focus on improving my life conditions. The payoff is that people tell me I adapt, that I am more flexible. It is the same goal that they have with so called normal life.

However, my achievements are never a done deal because I continuously need to fine tune my attitude toward my life as if it was a precious gem. What I mean is that there is no guarantee that I will regain my full potential but the goal is to be part of the adventure as an actor, not a spectator. I don’t want to put a mask and pretend I have recovered 100% of my mental health and there is a cure out there. Any road I take will be a bumpy road and this is the blessing; I am resilient enough to navigate on this road and I will find ways to accept the bumps and welcome challenges.
(Part 3 to be continued next week...)

Sylvie Albert

The main purpose for me is to regain the meaning of my life. It is a complex process but nonetheless it is achievable. When I started regaining hope (with treatments and support) I realized there was more to life than being stable or compliant. Yes it was a cornerstone in improving my functioning when I accepted to be treated but well being is more complex than a cure recipe.

Paradoxically I really had to put myself in a context where I was on the same level as other citizens and not in a protected environment where sick people survive (are put). It is always a challenge because I face my own limits on one hand and I have to deal with prejudices and stigmas in society on the other.

SINCE 1998

I want to feel like a full time citizen and so I get involved in my activities with a resilient attitude. With this frame of mind I can appreciate my participation rather than feel overwhelmed with what is unfair or detrimental to people with a mental disorder. In my early forties I became ready to take on a more complete role in society when I realized I could improve my relationships with other people and that there is no shame in having a mental disorder. I started to go to support groups at AMI-Quebec and get together meetings with other patients in the late 90’s. I learned from these discussions that recovery works in so far as I participate in the process of well-being. There is a genuine approach according to my values.

I don’t believe in preachers or therapists who tell me that a couple of intensive therapy week-ends or a program of activities will resolve a mental health disorder. There is no quick fix but I do believe I can deepen my life values to maximize my chances to feel a part of the world around me just as other people with no mental disorder diagnosis do.
(Part 2 to be continued next week...)

Sylvie Albert

I would like to take a moment to express my opinion on The 80/20 Project DVD. I found the information to be rather insightful and it covered everything I needed to help in the recovery process. During the introduction, we see old fashion methods of treating the mentally ill; thankfully I was diagnosed with a mental illness January 31, 2005, because the inhumane treatment of the past would have rendered me even more unstable. Also during the introduction, Mike mentions hope, and this coupled with the 80/20 philosophy; provide the underlying theme of the entire video. However, never lose hope no matter how low you feel because believe me, if you lose hope there is nothing for you to be grounded by, making you even lower and more lost. Hope alone will not do it and that is where the 80/20 concept comes into play; the ‘20’ percent is the medication, which most people who stopped their medication, I included, has had a relapse. The other ‘80’ percent involves the discipline of self control, avoiding drugs and alcohol, keeping your emotions in check, and also learning the warning signs of your particular mental illness.

In conclusion, your life does not end because you have a mental illness. Have hope, work hard, and you will be a better person for surviving and having learned to live with a mental illness. It is important to reaffirm and confirm your theories and thoughts with those of another person, and Mike does an excellent job of making you feel like he is talking just for you. Mike wants to help you, and that comes through in his sincere DVD. Watch as needed, and believe me it gets better every time.

Vince Antenucci

I would like to express a deep gratitude towards my life as I developed a different attitude by using some tools for anxiety. I discovered them at different stages of my recovery and they were useful on the road to getting well in the last 20 years of my life. The first one was a face-to-face communication with psychotherapists. I developed a lot of hope in these contacts through my thirties and my forties. These people were a sounding board for my anxious mind. They showed me the way to write in a constructive way. Filling charts to keep track of how to decrease my anxiety level, how to question my fears, changing scenarios about “not being able of” to “being responsible of”, and “taking control” of my life. When I was loosing control I was reaching for these tools over and over again.
A different attitude gave me a chance to challenge myself even more. I started coping better with new situations and I could see my pattern of anxiety coming back before I was overwhelmed with my fears. Before coming close to a dead end, I would question if my fears were real or were created in my mind. The hyperventilation and chest pains were real symptoms of my anxiety but my perceptions of these fears were a sign of over sensitivity compared to what happened in the reality.
Now I am traveling on a road that is much smoother. I learned through all these years that the one and only competition is with me. Tracking distorted thoughts, having realistic expectations and fine tuning my coping mechanisms with fitness activities and discussions groups. In one word it is by giving more help to me. This main aspect is never achieved but is always a process in my recovery. I always check that I re-involve my energy in daily life instead of withdrawing in my fears.
In a nutshell I suggest to anyone that is fighting with a mental illness to give themselves the chance to be in charge. This is the major task I have to accomplish each day and even if some days, it feels like taking 1 step forward and 2 steps back, the dignity is achieved because I tried this one step forward. I appreciate this (sometimes) only one situation in a day that will give me this extra self confidence and the rest of the day can be relatively acceptable even with setbacks. What is happening to you now can be the masterpiece of your life. Your road and my road are full of recoveries.

Sylvie Albert

When Daniel and I first decided we were going to work together to build MikesStory.com, I made a promise to him that I would do everything I needed to do in order to reach my goal and fulfill my dream. When I said everything, I meant EVERYTHING. For those who know me well, they know that I do not make many promises, but when I do, I keep them.

We have completed The 80/20 Project DVD and now more than ever, I am determined to do what it takes to talk about The 80/20 Project (my coping skills) across Canada, the United States and all over the world. My dream is to talk to large audiences about my coping skills. That dream is one step closer with the completion of The 80/20 Project DVD. Already we have sold many copies of the DVD and the positive feedback and encouragement coming from everywhere gives me the fuel I need to one day make my dream a reality.

Mike Santoro

My wife and I just celebrated our one-month wedding anniversary this past Saturday, and doing so gave us the chance to reflect on our wedding and honeymoon in February. Our year of planning for these big events was such fun, and the day itself was a magical time for us. We spent two weeks in Costa Rica for our honeymoon and had the time of our lives. Now, we are enjoying an enhanced depth of our love, our commitment and our sense of a future together – all rewards of our decision to marry.
And yet as I reflect on this story, I am also filled with gratitude for something entirely different. I am grateful that my bipolar disorder has been under control, through lithium and my lifestyle management efforts, since June 2005. This stability came only after 2 wild and destructive years of rapid cycling between depression and mania. I also feel fortunate that the careful management of my illness has allowed my bipolar to remain in the distant background. This has allowed me to enjoy my engagement, wedding and honeymoon to the fullest. I am painfully aware that had I experienced a sudden bout of depression or mania, my wedding day and honeymoon may have been ruined.
While I know I am fortunate, I am also encouraged by the simple fact that my bipolar has been tamed as a result of my choices. These choices include taking my lithium as prescribed, every day; tracking my sleep quality and hours per night; tracking my energy levels and minor illnesses to catch any potential trends; eating well and drinking in moderation; and speaking openly about my illness, as I am doing now.
My bipolar has been tamed so much that I don’t recall thinking about it on my wedding day. Not once. For someone who lost nearly 2 years, and much more, to the symptoms of bipolar disorder, that is a remarkable wedding gift.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

I often wonder what a life without Panic Disorder would be like. How different would I be? I remember years ago when I didn’t have anxiety and I remember myself as fun and outgoing. Today I am cautious and rather boring in my opinion.
I used to think that it was horrible, that I had become old before my time. Now I realize that it was just part of growing up and I was lucky in a way. I am not saying that Panic Disorder is fun or something everybody should go out and get. What I am saying is that when you are hit with a mental illness like that it makes you stop, take stock, and determine what’s important.
It makes you grow up and take care of your mental and physical health, something that most people ignore. As a result I changed my diet, take meds to keep the panic attacks in check, and work hard at maintaining a life that is as stress free as possible.
I try and find activities that are healthy and more importantly surround myself with people that are positive and supportive. As any person with a mental illness knows friends are very important, without them you truly would be lost. Whether it’s just an ear or a shoulder they lend, that outlet is something that is precious. Last but not least, I had to learn to not sweat the small stuff as they say.

Suzanne Robb

I think that we should give attention to any movement, effort or initiative that functions to improve the experience of those who fall ill with mental illness and of those in their support structure. Whether it is achieved through building a sense of community, generating awareness, tackling stigma or coaching consumers through the medical system, it is a great thing.
This 'recovery movement' seems to be doing a good job of helping consumers process and overcome their diagnoses, as well as providing a launching pad for their recovery. Talking about it more will only help to create more awareness for both the movement itself and why it started in the first place.
My efforts to volunteer as a speaker for AMI-Quebec and to contribute to Mikesstory.com are entirely for this purpose. I believe that the strongest voices available to advocate for mental illness are (and must continue to be) consumers who are living well in recovery. Those who have been down the dark path of depression, who have experienced the extremes of mania, the confusion and frustration of schizophrenia and the shock of stigma, have a deeper understanding of what living with mental illness truly means.
I would argue that we also have a clearer sense of what changes, in the health-care system and indeed in society, must take place before we will feel the same level of care and respect as our friends and family members who fall ill to a more ‘acceptable’ illness, like cancer.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

Once I had taken the journey outlined in the first part of this article, I can honestly say that it was no longer hard for me to talk about my bipolar disorder to either friends or co-workers. This was a new and liberating place for me to be, especially considering that for the first several years of dealing with mental illness I barely spoke about it beyond those closest to me. Part of that was confusion and lack of knowledge; I didn't want to talk about something that I was still totally unfamiliar with.
Once I educated myself on bipolar specifically, and mental illness in general, I started to form the opinions that led to me speaking openly not only within my circle of friends and co-workers, but also publicly through AMI-Quebec and now on Mikesstory.com. I now find myself discussing it in much the same way I would the fact that I am engaged, that I am a skydiver or that I love 9-ball and play competitively - that is, I tell those who show interest in me and my life to that level, and/or those for whom the fact that I have bipolar is relevant. Otherwise, I don't.
I feel that this kind of openness is a major key, perhaps even the single most important element in progressing social attitudes toward mental illness to where they need to be, where they should be.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

I would like to offer my experience in dealing with this difficult challenge.
At first, I really was uncomfortable in discussing or even revealing my illness. I was still trying to accept it for what it was, and come to terms with the reality that I couldn't beat it on my own. For me, as for many others with a mental illness, medication was necessary.
I learned some key lessons between the time my first symptoms appeared in 2002-03 and my return to balance and health in mid 2005. For me, it came down to two simple questions:

1) How do you think and feel about your illness specifically and mental illness in general?

2) How does the person you want to discuss it with feel and think about these topics?

The former is the really important one, because if you feel guilt, confusion, anger, stigma, etc. about your illness and you are misinformed, how can you possibly speak about it? That's where I was for a while, so naturally I couldn't / wouldn't talk openly about it.
The hardest part for me to learn was that even after I went through the long and difficult path to that healthy place of acceptance, knowledge, awareness and perspective, it still wasn't enough for everyone. Even though I saw my illness as in fact physical (a problem located in my brain), and I understood that the term 'mental illness' does not equate with 'emotional illness', it was clear that others may take ages to come to this realization, while some never will.
Those people may be your colleagues, your friends, or one of your family members. It is difficult, but it is beyond your control. In my case there is one or two in each of those groups.
I was encouraged to find that once I reached a solid foundation in my own thinking, most of the people that I spoke to about it came to a place of understanding. Most people know instinctively that social attitudes towards mental illness are archaic and narrow, and if not they are open to understanding this. They want to feel included in your experience, and understanding what you are dealing with is part of that.
So for the most part, it came down to me. Once I reached a healthy level of acceptance and spoke comfortably, knowledgeably and plainly about my illness, I saw that most of my listeners were eager and positive. The others, well, I just learned to accept their limitations and I live with the hope that as long as I remain consistent in my message, they may come around.
That has been my experience, and I hope it can help you in yours.

Be well,
Jason Finucan

For me, finding hope and a place to belong is the hardest thing right now. I think what most people don’t know is that there is a lot of fear while you are going through this illness. I feel like I don’t belong anywhere. I don’t have a place right now. I know that my family loves me very much but I don’t know where I fit in. So what helps me right now is having gotten involved with AMI-Quebec. I have a purpose in the morning. When I’m there, it feels natural and I’m like everyone else. I have a place to belong and a purpose to live.

Connie Di Nardo

The slow creakiness of waiting
In love with anxious heart breaking…
How? With what within or outside?
Does the warm hand, tiny or large,
Related or unknown provide warmth?
Is the sustenance only physical?
When illness strikes the waiters?
How to reach the feeling beyond
Skin, muscle, tendons or body?
Are emotions better left?
Numb, non-existent, unuseful?
What are tears? Useful to moisten
What? My tears did flow singing
At my sister’s funeral mass.
Otherwise only drops I pay for
Give my eyeballs tears and drip ness.
Is that a healthy state for me?

Written January 9, 2005
Elizabeth Tremain

Sometimes I feel like people look at me and think that my life is all fine and dandy and that I am "cured" from my illness. To many, it may seem that way because when you look at me, you cannot see the struggles I go through. The reality is that I work very hard to control my anxiety, monitor my moods, stay focused, stay very well organized as to not get overwhelmed, work with my support network around me to stay on track, continuously look for tips on how to better manage my illness, etc. etc. It's not always easy and there are times when I too feel like giving up. But I make sure that "giving up" is not an option. When those periods come, I try to remind myself that this period is only a storm and that it will pass just like other storms have passed many times before. As my community worker has said to me many times, when I will look at this "storm" in 6 or 12 months from now, it will probably all be water under the bridge.

Mike

I think I was really born the day I turned fifty. That was last year and my husband surprised me with an intimate and delightful party with some of my closest friends and family. I had never felt younger or stronger. When others bemoan the fact that life is passing them by, I can’t be sympathetic. Life for me is finally gentle and good. I don’t mean easy, but good. Don’t ask me if I’m happy. Ask me if I have finally reached a sense of joy. Happiness is fleeting; joy includes acceptance, courage and determination in the face of life’s adversities. It is joy I want to know and I dare say that after so many years of struggle, I may have finally caught a glimpse of it.
I was always the first to think there was something “wrong” with me. But I was terrified to find out if that was the case. Until I was finally diagnosed with Bipolar disorder at the age of 31, so much water had flowed under the bridge. It is a similar story to many affected by mental illness. It was a journey which included thousands of hours of therapy, fear, confusion, struggle and finding the “right” doctor, the “right” recipe to help you over the hurdle. I find consolation and courage in celebrating life, one day at a time. In sharing our stories, we plant one more set of footprints towards changing the course of understanding of mental illness.

Sylvia Smith

On Nov. 12, 2007 I was asked to be a Guest Speaker for AMI-Quebec at the Institute of Community and Family Psychiatry of the Jewish General Hospital in Montreal along with Mike, John Stall, Elva Crawford, and Francine Waters.
The room was filled with people who were eager to learn more of Mike's Story. I spoke of the early years of Mike's illness up until Mike accepted the illness and treatment. It is hard to describe the affects on the family in a 5 minute presentation. I tried to illustrate that the illness can have devastating affects on every member of the family. In spite of this reality it is essential that the family remain supportive and always remain positive. NEVER GIVE UP. The family must believe that recovery will come with perseverance, continuously learning about the illness, prevention and lots of patience.
This was my first experience as a speaker and I truly enjoyed it. I saw a few faces light up as they really identified with what was being said. I truly hope we inspired some audience members to NEVER GIVE UP.
Personally, I got to hear how Elva Crawford, John Stall and Francine Waters, saw and interacted with Mike over the years. Once again I was proud to be Mike's sister and I am always amazed at how inspirational Mike is to everyone.
I would like to thank AMI-Quebec for inviting me to speak. I would do it again in a flash. Along with pain and torment in that room, I also felt lots of love, support and most important HOPE; THE HOPE OF RECOVERY.
Thank you to AMI-Quebec for your great work and service to the community.

Carmy Santoro

I have lots of "To Do Lists". A To Do List for the repairs needed on the house, To Do List for January, February, March, April, May, etc, etc, To Do List of people to see to have coffee with, To Do List to get house ready for winter, To Do List to get house ready for summer, To Do List for things I need to get done at work, To Do List for things I need to speak to my wife about, To Do List for things I would like to do with my daughter, and the To Do Lists go on and on. This is great because it frees up my mind since everything is written down and I do not have to continually think about all the things I need to get done. The problem is that these To Do Lists can grow to be out of control (in size) and become unrealistic. I sometimes find myself spending lots of time "managing" these "To Do Lists" and getting stressed out because they go on and on and there seems to be no end in sight and not enough time to do everything.
What I find helpful for myself is that every so often, I go through my "To Do Lists" and delete things that are not so important (as they may have seemed to be when I first wrote them down). This allows me to do a clean-up of my lists, prioritize and shorten them making them more manageable and reducing the stress I feel for having so much to do.

Mike